Testimonies

Where to start. I have been an addict to pornography for a very long part of my life now. I have accepted Jesus Christ into my life in 2005. I still have many struggles with what entertains me the most and that is pornography. It is very hard to admit this weird behavior but I have had a huge fetish for pantyhose for years and years. I don't know why but for some reason the draw of this leads me to temptations uncontrollalbe for me to feed the need to search for fulfillment in the imagination world I can create of being with women that claim to "love wearing them" or more. I still fantasize about former friends and aquaintances that I was extremely attracted to. I have gone so far as to participate in wearing them for comfort/pleasure and have kicked-fell back-kicked that sinful habbit. I have deleted any and all materials from my computer. My biggest problem is my mind. When I sit at the computer, the enemies voice begins to speak and lead me to where I know it it definitely wrong to go. Pornography for me does not have to be the magazines or the main adult films for me but the free pics on search engines that are hotlinked and paysite previews of women that I find very attractive. I pray that God will still cleanse my mind and my heart to stop this recurring evil that I still carry inside. I read the testimonies of former stars that are now free and am ashamed that I too have lusted after the young lady Erica Campbell and her former works in this area. Please forgive me. I am involved in church ministries and have admitted my pornography problem to a couple of prayer partners though not going into detail like this. I don't want to stand in front of Jesus Christ and have to explain why I did this and have no secure feeling that I am truly forgiven for what I have done. I am married with two twin boys and a young daughter. I find it difficult to relate to my wife sexually as I always desire her to be what I see in my mind. I realize that Jesus spoke of lusting in the heart but I for some reason can not stop this sin as my mind is so entertained by what I see in my own so called "happy place". Please keep me in prayer for the release of my mind to overcome my sinful pleasures.

Well you made the right choice by coming to this site. Read the stories. Keep on sharing. You can meet some awesome folks thru here who walk with god and can help you and your inner demons.

I just want to encourage you that porn and all of it's tentacles can be VERY EASILY beaten. Just add God. The fact of the matter rests with Jesus words about 2 masters. I loved my porn and my behavior displayed that I couldn't care less about God. Porn was my master, I sowed money, and a great deal of time to my addiction. I cared very little about God. I spent 31 years of my life in Porn.

One night 4 years ago I was looking on the internet for statistics on porn. One site gave me all I needed to know about porn. I came across www.shelleylubben.com I checked out her resources and came across www.settingcaptivesfree.com. I did their first lesson on Feb 27, 2006. Well that night after my first lesson I decided that I didn't want to tell my mentor that I had looked at porn or had been involved in any behavior associated with it. That is almost 4 years ago. I never went back. I finished the course, all 60 lessons and then became a mentor for a while. God wants you to be happy. I lost my marriage due to porn, and my job too. It's a privilege from God to go to sleep at night, and not have any regrets. I wish you well. Paul Moore

Thank you very much Shelley, Mel and April for the time you all have put in to making my life worth living and trying to better myself! Your support, books, bibles, cards, video etc has been such an inspiration for me to finally start to get my story together and share it with the pink cross organization. You all make me feel so loved, wanted and needed! I love you all very much and thank you again for all your kindness!
Melissa-former porn star/exotic dancer, Alexa Milano
WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE!!!

I had always thought there was something wrong with me for not being able to cope in the sex industry. I searched for years for answers, and found Shelleys' site. It finally made sense: It wasn't me it's the industry. It is not just a coincidence that we all have the stories just like Shelleys'. Thank you Shelley for showing me the way out through Jesus, For me there is no other way!

I am 19, and throughout Highschool I never really had much faith. My family attended church every now and then when I was younger but all I looked forward to was going out to eat after church. It was only a little while ago that I noticed a lot of things on the Internet about bible prophecies and the last days and I was intrigued. In High school I guess I would say I was even an atheist because I was always looking for ways to prove the Bible contradicted itself, and a teacher cought me on the spot and said try reading. It was funny because I did not ever read one line of scripture seriously. I started with the book of Revelations because I thought some of the bible prophecies were intriguing and seemed foolishly insane like an acid trip. I read and read and couldn't make sense of any of it. I also started reading some of the Gospels. I was reading it from a destructive point of view so I could not see the light. It made me physically and mentally sick until finally I gave up and I genuinely prayed for wisdom. Not double mindedly but I prayed in humility and desperation for answers. Then The Lord God gave me a horrifying memory of a day in highschool when I made a picture of a starving child with a buzzard behind him and gave them thought bubbles, the child had a thought of a big Mac and the buzzard had a thought of the child on a plate. Then I became extremely physically ill and realized I was completely naked. Not in the flesh but in the spirit, I was blind Naked and ashamed just as it says in the scriptures. When you are naked every inner thought and every desire becomes visible and it is scary when you want to hide these things from people and you have no control over it. I can't explain Jesus' form with a tongue but the best I can describe him as is SPOTLESS No doubt why they call him the Spotless lamb sometimes in scriptures. That is why I was ashamed of being naked in the spirit, because he was present in the spirit and the spirit was present in him. If you have ever had someone pick on one of your faults or wrongdoings and you feel tempted to point out something wrong they did to shut them up DO NOT think you can do this with Jesus because he is spotless. He was perfect in his thoughts and completely pure. In the spirit I also saw countless starving children like the one I made into a cartoon, but not like a fleshly form, MAN THIS IS HARD TO DESCRIBE! but I could see how they suffered, many were orphans and all of them had died in ways I cannot relate to anything in my life. Lack of water, poisoned by food, starved, diahrea from poisoned water, they had died in the worst ways and the scariest part was that they were looking at me in horror. I didn't know why but I turned (again hard to describe) into myself and saw what made them horrified of me. It was my nakedness, I could see myself complaining for lack of air conditioning, we had hot dogs but no buns, I want a 50 inch screen TV complaining complaining complaining. That was all I saw when I went into the spirit when I genuinely prayed and I did not come out the same. When I left the spirit all of my things turned to ash right in front of me. I felt as if I was going to go insane being surrounded by such earthly luxury. A million thoughts came racing through my head at once and I couldn't stop screaming to God for help and as I did more help came. This is the part that led me to this website. In high school I didn't get laid at all. My friends would give me shit about it all the time, but I never really knew why it was such a big deal. Then it finally got to me so I picked a girl and decided I was going to take her out and use her. She was a new girl to our school so it would be easy. We really didn't relate at all but she seemed very needy, like nobody around her really took her in so she needed somebody to love. I picked this up early and it bugged me while we dated because in the back of my mind I knew what I was doing. This girl told me stories of how she had been used in the past and she told me she had been raped when she was twelve. The time came when we were alone in her moms apartment and she knew exactly what I wanted and she was going to give it to me. I looked into her eyes and I couldn't keep it up. I looked into myself and I couldn't find a difference between myself and the man who raped her when she was twelve. This girl wanted somebody to love her and care for her and she had all these things happen to her and here I was doing the exact same thing that man did. I was to ashamed and I had to brake it off but because I was ashamed I didn't tell her why. She was very very broken up about it and I was going insane because I couldn't tell her why. This was about 7 months before I genuinely prayed and THANK YOU GOD I was able to find her on facebook and actually admit and apologize to her for what I had done. I still have a scar on my soul, it isn't like here forgiving me allowed me to forget about what i did but it was a relief to let her know that she deserves someone to love her the right way. She also told me that she had been going to church a lot and I'll bet she was praying for me because she probably knew who I was the whole time but wanted somebody to love so bad she looked past my stupidity. Which brings me to this page I was looking at porn a while ago and typed in Nadia Styles and came up on her testimony video and was stopped dead in my tracks and I was cought yet again, but thanks to her testimony I can begin healing.