I'm going to tell my wife
Tue, 12/21/2010 - 04:18
I've been trying to quit porn for several years with no success.
I'm so ashamed of my behavior and I'm tired of hiding my quilt.
I've decided to come out in the open and let my wife know.
She deserves to know and this way I will have some accountability.
Roger
Comments
Hi, Roger;
First of all, let me just say how courageous it is that you came out and told your wife. You are correct in that she does deserve to know, and honesty and communication are so important, especially with something like this.
With that being said, I would just like to encourage you to prayerfully re-consider asking your wife to be your accountability partner. There is a really good article that addresses this very thing, that I believe would be very beneficial for you to read:
http://www.thepinkcross.org/articles/Should%20a%20woman%20be%20her%20husbands%20accountability%20partner.pdf
As a woman, I can tell you right now that your wife is more than likely very shocked and hurt by your porn habit, although I know for a fact that she appreciates your honesty. She is going through a lot right now, and having the added responsibility of being your accountability partner, and having to know when you may give in, might be too much for her to handle at this point.
If I were you, I would consider all of the pros and cons, and really pray over it. If you really feel that God is telling you to give her that responsibility, then by all means do it, but just know that your wife may need to come to terms with this without having that extra burden of helping you control your porn habit. I would seriously talk it over with her, and ask her what her feelings are.
That is between you two, but I am just giving you something to think about.
God bless you, and please continue to keep us updated on how things are going.
April
Forum Administrator
Well I did it.
My wife is out of town and I couldn't reach her by phone so I sent her a email
I wanted to tell her face to face but I want to make sure I told her before I lost my nerve.
My wife is such a wonderful person. She desirves better than to be married to a man like me
A man like you, meaning a man who confronts his weaknesses honestly? I also question the wisdom of having your wife as an accountability partner, but that decision has been made. Please avoid making statemtents like "she deserves better than" you. First, it could sound to her like you want her to leave. Second, it's a cop out. "You" are not the porn addiction. If you are in Christ, you are a newly created person. If you are not in Christ, receive Him now. You have to own the behavior. Terms like " A man like me" are attempts to say "It's how I am, I can't help it". In your own strength you do not have the ability to "be better". However, all things are possible in Jesus, and in your weakness His strength will be shown. These are not cliches. They are the truth. They will change your life, and your behaviour. Your behaviour is the problem, not who you "are". You "are" righteous and accepted. Your behaviour needs to change, and it can be changed. In Christ you are not a slave to sin.
Roger, I was addicted to porn for a long time. By the grace of God setting me free, I have been given much from Him. I didn't have a women to be in a relationship with but it was still hard to tell someone. Knowing that you have done that reminds of the feeling of success I felt afterwards. It reminded me, when you had made your decision to "confess your sins" James 5:16, when I chose to confess my habit to my mother, pastor, and accountability partner that I COULD get over this addiction. And by God's never ending, unfailing, supernatural grace, I'm truly ALIVE and FREE
The road to recovery is a rough one. Not easy by any stretch of the human imagination.... but God.
I don't know if you've read Mrs. Shelly's book yet, but if you haven't i'll tell you this. I realized how much God was ACTIVE in our day to day lives. So know that God is into the business of being in your business, all the time. And he wants the best for you, all the time.
God bless you and your family.
Nothing is impossible for Christ who gives us strength. Period.