After more than 2 years I failed
Hi,
I was a lot in this forum in 2007. It helped me out, to get free!
Since august 2007, I kept out of porn. Yes more than 2 years!
Now I had a very stressful week and my daily rythm was thrown over and what do I do...
I go back to some hard stuff porn to find release :-( I wanted to cry as I was on the website and still it caught me straight in and in the end I got the release of this tension and pain I have within for several weeks again.
I am not condemning myself but it is so disappointing and frustrating to fall back where I was, and most of all to realize that I am still stuck with some deep pain within that I seeming can't release.
I am struggling all my life with rejection and people not being nice to me. Now I am having a relationship with a woman and she struggles a lot - based on her story - to give. In the last couple of weeks it was almost unbearable for me. Now she is away for 2 weeks and the pain even got more present. And here I am today, writing here (and I am so glad about the possibility to write a post here, thank you so much to all of you) and telling this failure.
I ask God to forgive me and show me a way out, cause I just can't and I am really sorry about it. I just don't know.
Comments
Two years is a long time and you have focused on what you know in the spirit is the right thing to do. Don't allow the devil to make you feel as though you failed because you made a mistake.
Remember James 4:7 Submit yourselves therefore to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Also remember 1 Peter 5:8 Be sober, be vigilant; because your adversary the devil, as a roaring lion, walketh about, seeking whom he may devour.
The devil will always do his best to try and temp us as Christians. The more we stand strong in faith the more the devil sees us as a challenge and wants to do all he can to bring us down in anyway he can. Stay focused on the Lord and even in those moments where you feel tempted at anything that you know is wrong, pray at that moment and remember why you left something to begin with and the misery of the end result that it caused.
God Bless,
Micah
No matter what you struggle with in life or
what spiritual blackness tries to come against us
remember this verse.
Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ which strengthens me.
I'm not going to kick you while you're down. You already know how much you've messed up. You shouldn't dwell on it to the point of becoming depressed about it, but you should remember how you feel right now and more specifically right after you fell and keep that pain and disappointment on the forefront of your memory so that when you feel week, you can remember what it's like.
Also, I've found that a person usually doesn't go from 100% sexual purity to diving headfirst into hardcore porn just like that. Based on what I've seen, people backslide gradually. Like the song says, it's a slow fade. When you first embark on the road of purity, you have high standards and you take serious steps to protect yourself. Many time when you begin to slide backwards, it's a gradual process. Instead of looking away when you cute female co-worker bends over, you allow your eyes to linger. Instead of changing the channel when a steamy sex scene comes on a porn channel "Edited by Admin", you watch intently. Day after day you make these compromises and lose these battles. Over time, your flesh has gotten stronger and stronger and then you find yourself in a tempting situation that makes you feel like you can't resist.
Can you pinpoint any instances of what I'm talking about? Have there been subtle compromises that you've made over time that you didn't think were big deals at the time but now realize in hindsight were precursers to your stumble?
I'll be praying for you.
salvation is found at the places where we have fallen. you have already acknowledged that rather than try to sweep this incident under the rug.
i commend you for that...
if you haven't already, confess your sin... then let go. you may still feel the pain and the shame for what you did, even after you let go of the actual sin... and that is natural. don't confuse the pain and shame with the idea that you will never be able to move on from this moment.
Jesus says in the sermon on the mount that when we let go of things, we still continue to mourn. so take some time to mourn what has happened.
but in your mourning and your letting go... let God be the one to catch you and heal you.
and then when you are ready, let the mourning turn to a hunger and thirst for righteousness again! you have tasted righteousness before, and you liked it. go after it again my brother... don't give up.
and your girlfriend... continue to get to know her, and let her know you. the intimacy will grow...
one day... one breath at a time...
you are loved.
hey man get up keep going two years is pretty good going
each time you fail you learn from it
im so proud of you for getting on for two years thats great
keep going its a life long battle and you will have your ups and downs try again for another two years.
Trust God and he will push you through Seek God with all you heart, mind, soul and strength and he will be there for you even when you fall. Keep going man I just prayed for you.
Underoath
Moderator
Pink Cross Team Member
If you managed to do it for two years then you are obviously a strong person despite everything and the fact that you fell once does'nt change that