CONFUSED/HURTING
i am a former member here and this is the most hardest thing for me to say right now.its beyond embarrasing and suicidal. When i was 15 i did something very perverted.(not masturbation) tho im not ready to explain what i did yet. But when i did it my member shrunk. It was beyond embarrasing. So then porn and masturbation followed . I never been in a relationship and hate when people question me about it.i am in my young 20s now. maybe what i did is fullfulling romans 8:28. i have donated to this ministry this year and last. I told lots of people bout this site. If it was vice versa if i had a girlfriend/kids maybe i would never donated and helped. this is a hard thing to talk to god about. but i know he forgives everything we do and that when we repenet and turn away we are new creatures in christ with the old life and past sins are gone.But as i said my member shrunk. uhhhh its so hard typing this but im just letting people know the truth. i once told a pastor and he told me that aint nothing to worry about we all have secrets. Some people do bestality,homosexuality,etc.but as i said before if it was vice versa i prolly would just be a unbeliever who never serves god, who probaly smokes,drinks,clubs,fornicates and disobeys the lord. but im glad i found god,read the word,pray,attend bible study and chruch and try to bring others to christ. And i have been blessed so much by god these past years.I have dreams that came to past,prophecy that im going to be married,prophecied that my job is going to shut down and it did.God blessed me financially and has me hanging with saved people. But im still confused about what i did when i was 15? Any suggestions? PLEASE HELP
Comments
hey brother.
"Therefore, there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus, because through Christ Jesus the law of the Spirit of life set me free from the law of sin and death." -Romans 8:1-2
if you are worried about telling people about what happened when you were 15 because you are afraid of what we will say or think, that is the enemy trying to separate you from those who would encourage you and build you up. you are a beautiful child of the MOST HIGH GOD. remember the words in that verse. NO CONDEMNATION for those who are in CHRIST JESUS.
i know it is painful. i am not going to say that i know exactly what you are going through, cause i have no idea. i dont KNOW what you are going through because you havent told us, and i am not you. but i know that God knows. God knows and He still loves you. and he will ALWAYS love you.
open up. we love you, because Christ first loved us.
i am praying for you, my dear brother.
david jordan peterson
What helped me was to go on the Encounter at my church. If you would like to know more you can read my testimony.
http://thepinkcross.org/pinkcross-articles/june-2009/ex-male-porn-star-t...
Your going to be fine my brother! God's plan for you is greater than you think! Read Jeremiah 29:11
Ryan Millay "EX-MALE Pornstar" (AKA)Trent Roe Dedicated to "Killing Porn 1 Soul At A Time"
i will also like to add that as i mentioned earlier god has blessed me in so many ways these past few years and i didnt type everything he did but he blessed me beyond what i could ask or think. And as i said earlier i told my pastor about what i did at 15 but i didnt tell him that my member shrunk..........im still confused this is a complicatimg subject.......
Hey man, glad to see you here.
I know this is hard, and I know admitting stuff feels like a knife in the heart. But in order for healing to begin, we have to dig out the infection, and that can be very painful, because in this surgery, there's no pain killer. We get to feel the whole thing. But on the other side, we have the opportunity to heal, where we don't as long as we keep stuff buried. I am really seeing how this plays out in my life, and sometimes coming clean is a long process as we continue to dig and expose new sin and hurt in our past.
So, that said, and because no one knows who you are, try talking about what happened. Even though this place is totally anonymous, it really helps to use this forum to open up about those things that we can't tell "real people" about. Leave out any details that you feel would compromise your identity, but just tell us your story. You will be surprised looking back at how that can start the whole healing process.
Give us a shot. You might be surprised.
We love you, and are here to help (and be helped ourselves).
Outside of my mom having bi-polar disorder and a life altering experience with a doctor my childhood was pretty normal. What the doctor did to me scarred me for a very long time and prevented me from dating much in high school and or in college since I was far too embarrassed and scared to get too close to any female.
This doctor with a supposedly Christian background bluntly and matter of fact told me after a routine physical that there was a fairly good chance that I might never develop sexually. This revelation brought a cavalcade of tears to run down my cheeks and made me want to crawl into a hole and die because I was mortified.
If that wasn't enough, he made me drop my drawers in front of my mother after she had entered the room. Then the doctor informed my mother the exact same thing in an even colder tone. It was almost robot like completely devoid of emotion. Upon hearing his sentence once again, I could do nothing but commence crying once more.
When I was doing this my mother was completely dumbfounded, which at the time made me angry since my mother is supposed to defend me at all times, especially when something so mortifying happens to her youngest son. Now if I wasn't already 13 it wouldn't have been such a big deal; however, I was downright terrified that the doctor just might be right since most of my classmates had already developed sexually.
Due to this event I never took a shower after gym and football practice. Plus, I always made sure to dress and undress when nobody was around if at all possible. Come to think of it, I never once took a shower at school. You see, I didn't develop sexually until I was between 17 and 18 years of age.
Couple this with the fact that I was terrified of winding up being involved with someone who had bi-polar disorder or some other psychological disorder and you'll get a clear picture of how my life used to be. I tried but not very hard when it came to the opposite sex since I was ill prepared to be in a relationship that could eventually develop into a physical one.
I must confess I didn't get over this event until I went to see a therapist to get over my mother's death. A short six months after my mother's death I wound up getting back surgery and my second one six months after the first. Nothing made my pain subside except for porn.
This is when my addiction to porn first ruled its ugly head. Sure I had been exposed to porn when I was eleven or twelve, but this time was different. "Edited by Admin" Porn allowed my pain to go away, which needless to say made me extremely happy. And at the time I had no idea of how porn destroys both the performer and the watcher eventually.
It has taken me eight long years to get a handle on my back pain. Now that I have, I come to the realization that porn served as my willing girlfriend who never complained and catered to my every whim. In some man's eyes that would be the perfect woman; however, to me I see nothing more than a fantasy world out of control due to a couple of events in my life that had a huge bearing on my life for a very long time.