extreme measures needed.
Hi friends,
I will be leaving you guys in the month of January.I have found myself cornered by internet porn.My wife told me that she is dieing,it grieves me to hear how I am dragging her through this quagmire of degradation.
I tried filters.It was really hard to find some one computer savvy,who could monitor me and help me to stay in bounds.Eventually I would find away of getting around the filter one way or another and end up back in the same pattern of self destruction.
I am at my wits end with this
stuff,physically,emotionally,spiritually,mentally drained.I am a bit of an internet juncky,fascinated with the endless stream of possibilities offered through this amazing technology.
I decided on a three month break Jan10-April 10.However if I can not find a way to have the internet with out porn than I do not see how I could ever return to this medium.
In the days before the internet it was the television and the late night soft and sometimes hard core porn.I could not live with a T.V.People would look at me strange because of this decision but I felt that I wanted to live as a holy vessel for the Holy Spirit and the world and my flesh wanted something else.
Than it was phone sex...I nearly lost my phone from huge phone bills.
I am one of the many walking wounded that the porn industry over the years has conned over the years out of self esteem,money,time,peace of mind.I am sure also that porn is the gate way into substance abuse for many men.The way most of us feel after acting out is only remedied by another enslaving phony way to help us feel better getting high.I am no historian but would hazard the guess that the same people who gave us playboy in the fifties were the same crowd behind the introduction of the drug culture in the sixties that now is tearing the world apart.
It is really hard for me to make this choice but I do not see any other way.I send all my love to all those out there who are suffering from internet porn addiction,I will offer all my prayers and sacrifices for you.
Comments
Someone mentioned this as a 'fast'... and accurately ... it is a noble one.
I believe in a God who is able to bring to the forefront of our prayers those times times when our Brothers need us the most. I am trusting that those moments when you need us to lift you up in prayer, that the Spirit of God will beckon us to remember you.
You are loved... and God is close.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
good for you brother. Sometimes serious situations call for serious action. Jesus was out in the middle of nowhere with NOTHING for 40 days. Surely WE can live without one more electronic device in our lives can't we? I was without for 6 months+ and it surely helped get away from porn. You cannot access what isn't accessible right? We'll keep you in prayer brother. You will be suprised after about a week or so of internet (not just porn but internet withdrawels) you really won't miss it and realize just how much time you were killing with it.
I say good move brother! You've got my prayers of support.
I also found ways around my filter many times. I ended up having to get my computer white listed. That is, having the entire internet blocked, except for a specific list of websites, such as this one. I deleted Firefox, and then had someone put the lock on my Internet Explorer, and then we typed in the sites to allow. The fact that 99.99% of the internet is now blocked, prevents me from using the same tricks I used to get around my filter in the past. The only way I could see myself getting past this is either guessing the password, or reformatting my computer. And the Windows disk is at someone else's house to prevent me from doing that.
Edit:
Hitting the wallet(and even other people's wallet) sometimes isn't even enough to stop one from using pornography. A perfect example of that is my Dad. I discovered one day that he had over a period of 3 and a half months, spent nearly $4,000 of my money on phone sex and a trip to the strip club. I knew he had done these things for years, but never with my money. I asked him about it and he admitted to spending over $10,000 in total on this. That directly contributed to the bankruptcy he is facing now.
I have the Safe Eyes filter installed and my pastor has complete cotroll of the account, as far as I know there is no way around this, so if there is please don't tell me! I have gone to an adult book store a few times lately, including yesterday. I was at a men's prayer breakfast and I left from there to go view porn! Once that obsession hits it seems all but impossible to resist. The obsession did lift quite a bit during my 59 days of freedom, but not completely, I just didn't see it through. I remember how I gave in the first time after the 59 days, temptation came, I began to dwell on it, then I began to reason w/it, you know, arguing back and forth in my mind the pros and cons of giving in or not. This seems to always be a losing battle, sin can not be reasoned with, it must be mortified! We have to run from the tempting thoughts or situations, not engage in a debate w/them.
I know this must have been a very hard choice for you btu I commend you fo making it. Many aren't willing to get rid of the internet when that is what it takes. The internet is so dangerous. With the phone and the TV porn at least hits the wallet. I will be praying for you my brother.as youtake this fast.
Scott