Feel Disgusting
Sat, 03/20/2010 - 19:46
I became a Christian 2 years ago, and have abstained from porn and masturbation for a year and a half. A month ago I slipped, and now I have fallen into a pitfall. I am back at viewing porn and engaging in masturbation. I just feel at an ultimate low, like this is beyond forgiveness. I feel as if God is disgusted in me and that I have no hope. Please pray for me.
Comments
Time to start all over again. It's totally addiction and when you're hooked up on this, it's too difficult to change. Like addiction on drugs such as the latest, scopolamine where it inhibits abuse on self and other people. There are still hope. You can change for the better.
I find that alot of times I don't start with porn. I have this massive crush on a certain bikini model who I look at ALL the time online. Its not porn, its no nudity, but thats the starting point. After looking at her, I say... Ok I want to see some more detail. So then I start to look at some more graphic models, then before you know it Im masturbating to hardcore porn. By the time Im done I say to myself... "What just happened"? For me I think its most important that I quit completely. I tend to justify certain things that are wrong. Looking at bikini models should not be something I do and I will need to overcome this if I overcome porn- as one leads right into the others.
Please pray for me.
I remember that, 'What just happened?' moment.
Amazing that the journey that led there could have been a couple hours long... and then to go back and look at your browsers history... and how quickly the one look at the bikini model turned into hundreds of clicks to other pages...
it's an evil vacuum that sucks you in.
To quit completely... I agree. I think you have, or are at least beginning to get to the point where the 'sick and tired of being sick and tired' phase is kicking in... but then what...
What will you replace the little airbrushed beauty in a bikini with?
There is a lot of truth the to Sunday school answer of: Jesus.
Jesus runs deep, Bro... every moment of surrendering the things that you justify in porn consumption is a moment of clearing space for more of Jesus in your life.
The Bible tells us to keep our eyes on the goal, and run this race like you are going to win it... and so train hard... and run with all you have towards the One who can heal you. And at the same time... stop to take in the scenery once in a while... celebrate the victories, event he tiniest ones... hate the failures... God will work in your life... it's His desire.
It's Jesus' desire to present you to His Father... keep preparing yourself for that day.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
Ok...
You know that there is a way out of this pit. I look at your profile pic... and see one reason right there.
Here is the thing...
For you... there is a higher purpose to your life. Nobody was made to love the lord the way that you are able to. I know that you know that pornography is not the road to that purpose.
So what do you do now that you have fallen...
God the Father is longing for you to be devoted to His Son. Jesus has chosen you to be with Him for eternity. Eternity.
Eternity starts today, bro... it's a new day. Seek Jesus... He's waiting for you... every day.
Chadwick
Pink Cross Moderator
"Blessed are those who persevere under trial, because when they have stood the test, they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him."
James 1:12
LOl thats my aunt! Not my daughter. Im only 18.
I fell again today. Lord have mercy.
When I was ur age (18) I was only worried about the enormous guilt that comes from porn/masterbation. I started viewing at 15. However, through the years, especially lately, I have gotten to realize that in addition to the quilt, it has many other seious effects. I have gotten to realize that it's been making me kind of aloof and careless about my social life. It's been driving my confidence down. I've realized that it would surely affect my future marriage and that I wouldn't lead the happiest life I dream to have with the woman God has prepared for me. Brother, it's a really good time for you to stop. You got to keep in mind of the horror stories u've seen here on the videos posted here in this site. Haven't you seen the STD statistics? Haven't you seen the suicide rates associated with porn and also all the drug use? I don't want to sound like a stronger person that you. I actually admire u for staying away from it for a year and half. I just want you to keep in mind the fact that the effects go far beyong the quilt. I didn't realize that at your age. So I just hope that would be helpful to you. I am a recovering addict myself. But, I know I become so determined about bitting the addiction only after realizing those facts.
God bless you.
Don't beat urself up with a hammer. It's time to start all over again. If u were able to quit for a year and half, then next time you can quit for 3 years or 7 years or forever. Don't give up. I'm sure God really appreciated ur effor to stay away from the addiction for more than a year. He'll happily forgive you if u want to start afresh again.
God bless u!