First id like to say that if i was actually trying,really going out of my way to change how porn has affected me though my life up to this point id of learned of this Porn Harms site already before Pink Cross blogged about it.Through out the course of a month more or less its been horrible.I truly Hate to admit that after joining this place over a year ago i still havent come to a point where i can do without pornagraphy in any way shape or form.Why can i not overcome this addiction.There is a list of reasons but im not trying to make a personal testimony out of this.First i dont think ive been completly honest not only with myself but beliefs in the Pink Cross and my pride to not talk about how each time no matter how many days pass how much more messed up my mind gets.Ive found that throughout actually reading more in detail other areas of the forums such as "Porn and the Law of Love"in Gods Plan for Salvation,part of what i want to say without going into detail here of how i concluded this, is that a major reason i didnt recognize how porn has power over my mind body and SOUL.I was only focusing on one or two at a time i see now how i allowed myself to not give a care any more for lack of a better word.So maybe im one of the few who dont take a liking to admiting maybe a power greater than myself is necessary to properly refrain from acting out my sexaul desensitization.I used to think i have a better excuse im not in a realationship i dont have anyone to have physical contact with no one to have sex with.I thought loneliness was the reason for everything and its not that im lonley i just feel alone period.
Finally to the topic of this post the videos on the Porn Harms channel really sparked something in me to really want to rethink about not only giving in but not taking the actions needed on a daily basis to avoid the unavoidable action of not changing the way i think while not viewing porn and eventually go back to it.This women said something like this right after the first minute..."but sex in pornography is a carefully documented and orchestrated set of images not a mere(or mirror) reflection of reality. porn sex is a sex that is debased dehumanized formuliac and generic a sex based not on connection, play, or intamacey but one that is a result of an industrial product created by mostly men who get excited not by bodily contact but by profits".Along with other things such as "Hate Love".
I dont speak for anyone but myself but even though ive never actually paid for a monthly subscription for a site it still made me angry.Angry how im viewing samples or uploads or whatever of the material that other people paid/pay for.Just because i didnt pay for the porn doest make me any different than some one who did.I cant believe how i used to only think of only my money,"im not gonna help them get rich" or "im not paying them there not gonna make a profit off of me."When in actuality they make the profit off the WOMEN!!!If you dont know already most do not get paid fairly which is besides the point.The point is by paying to view porn or not, not only am i accepting the way the women is used,just for my little moment while i blockout EVERYTHING.Even when something comes to mind ill block it out anyway.Im also approving "yeah go ahead continue making a profit off womens bodys,i think its wrong but that doesnt matter becuase i know it will always be there for me to watch."
Wrong!!!Even if tommorrow porn was not viewed on the internet completly for a few days by every person those sites wouldnt run for long.If all Porn shops went out of bussiness becuase people stopped buying DVDS where would all the money come from to produce more films???If porn wasnt so widely accepted in one form or another would Liqour stores still have magazines rampent on their shelves???
For myself it starts with not viewing any pornagraphic material...no looking at none nudity you tube videos no looking up just topless pics of girls....no busting out Hollywood movies with sex scenes no means of any sexual fantasys that replace whatever it is we want in a relationship.
I would never have thought how the current state of pornagraphy in society could be so bad young girls and women could and sometimes do, even consider baseing their ideas of a relationship with they way sex is depicted in that industry.I used to think hey Shelley people have a right to make porn if thats what the really want and are really successful in the bussiness and know what their doing and who arent getting conned, without having the facts of what they might already know anyway.The truth of the matter is its clear to me now how the sex industry is not only harmful to women in it,but also to myself and now that im older how it harms younger people as well and how by imatating adults the consequences are ones i dont want to be held accountable for.I really resent the fact that unless i stop viewing porn years down the road i have the potential to actually seek out child pornagraphy.I dont want to find out.
The challange isnt just in not viewing porn its about learning and working on how to condition my mind body and soul away from it.I feel its higly important that we recognize our weaknesses and strengths.Its about destroying my pornographic hard drive in my mind,my mind getting a grip on reality that every time i resort to porn for whatever reason the situation becomes worse and worse.Ask yourself "why cant i stop" you ll find it then becomes "why wont i stop" eventually its "i dont truly want to stop"....Really i could not for the life of me keep this to the topic im really going through it right now,whether this is understood or not gets deleted or not a response or not sitting here firing off lets me sit back and see where my heads at.It feels slightly stupid a little pretentious and definatley inappropriate to make no sense and sit here and say i lost faith in myself which is also to say the Pink Cross why bother if im not free from porn?I know now thats what the enemy wants to just give up...Its so much more than just with God its about coming back posting things are reading the blogs knowing that i inbetween time of not going on the internet to view or in my head i was still messed up running the clips in my mind,thinking that the Pink Cross wasnt for me and id deal with this alone.Not gonna happen.I do have to learn form others who have struggled worse than me and learned from their experiences as well.Porn isnt gonna cease to exist by what i have to offer society,i can listen to the ones that do and are taking action in society.The least i can do to show my support is to just stop, quit by all means neccessary to not view porn anymore especailly on the internet