My Introduction and Where I am in Wanting To Get Better
Hi Everybody,
I am 35 years old and a follower of Christ, but I am well aware my actions contradict my beliefs and do cause me to feel guilty, wrong, and creepy. I am glad to have found this site and I am hoping it will help me get pornography out of my life for every. I first started looking at pornography pictures about 10 years ago and it began with tame images, but I now know that even those images were wrong for me to view. Then I needed new more exciting images and now I am looking at all sorts of crazy things that I know can't be fun to do. Things that seem inhumane and definitely against God's will are the things I am most drawn to look at it seems.
This pornography stuff makes me feel like my life is out of control somethimes because I use it to cope with stress and lonliness and it is hard to face these feelings since they have been buried by feelings being brought on by pornography. It is kind of like pornography was a way to medicate my loneliness and stress but it comes at such a high price. A part of me wants to stop now, but I find it difficult to stop since it has become a habit to view pornography pictures. I feel shameful for my actions but I keep looking at images and I do not have the willpower to resist sometimes.
It is especially difficult to stop since I am alone a lot of the day due to me being a student and needing to do homework. Also, I am unable to use any sort of blocking software since my computer is very old. At the same time I find it difficult to do homework with the need to look at pictures and usually neglect my homework. I am also unable to get support from friends because I am not emotionally involved with anyone to feel like I can be that open and honest with someone. It is all these reasons that I feel trapped and uncertain about my future without porn.
Please pray for me and that I will get better and be able to live a life that honors and brings glory to God.
Comments
It can help sometimes to focus on the solution and not your problems. God is there helping you but you need to look for his help. No matter how much you want to feel bad, guilty, ashamed, etc. there are all distractions that take you away from God. Just try your best to look to God and he will be there to help tyou do what you see as impossible. You are a good and kind person if you look for it. No matter how much bad you have done Giod will help you and love you. He is doing taht right now just try your best to go do something as for someone else and you will start seeing the help. There are many us that have fallen and are working on getting on the right path. We care about others , we care about you, and you can do teh same.
If you keep trying you will get out of it. Just do not let failure stop you. The voices taht keep telling you you are a failure, you do not care, you are too weak, are doing this because they are weak and they are not true. just start with the smallest action to help others and it will help you to see the good that is just waiting to come out of you and grow.
hi i know exactly what you mean im just new in the forums and i think you,me and anybody else with this problem first step is two recognice their problem and express yourself with other people that have similar problems i used also porn when i feeled empty ,lonely and still use it i know it,s not corect but i make many things that are not correct.
i know exactly what you mean with a part of you wanted and the other no i have that also porn not only made me two watch longer times movies or pictures it made me also a person wanting two have every time more sex with prostitutes and also made me two drink.
i fell like my life goes totaly out of countrol specially with what i make after loking porn.
Finding Hope I thank you for your post. I also thank Wolf Fighting for his comments.
To me I keep thinking it's so easy to stop viewing porn. It seems especially easy when I have gone say 2 weeks without feeling any need to view porn. It seems an easy choice when I know that God is beside me when I am viewing porn and I am basically sticking two fingers up to God. I do however believe that the devil is clever and uses these moments to try and convince me that perhaps God's power is not so great.
I know however that when I start talking to God and stop ignoring God then God speaks. There has been many a time I have prayed (even though I would really prefer to view porn) and God has moved me along a diferent path. It may only be for a few days or even a few hours but I have felt God's power and know through God's light shining in me that the desire to view porn can be defeated.
I will also pray for you. Remember God never gives up. It's only what the devil wants you to think.
Hi man, I will pray for you tonight, you can defeat the monster, If you want you can. You did the first step writing in this website, I did the same when I posted my history and I felt a great relief. Now you are aware of your problem, you hearth wants to give the next step, you feel it and you need it. You are not alone on this, you have the support of God if you allow him be part of your live. If you believe in God try this short pray every morning when you wake up: Jesus Christ for your holy blood help me today to become stronger and do not fall on temptations, let me be light to defeat the darkness, Amen. Let us know trough this web within some days, weeks or months that you are clean. I am thinking to give a next step: to tell face to face to someone my problem, a person totally unknown for me but totally reliable without judges and critics, instead with advises, support, love, may be a pastor, a nun, a priest. You can man, the treasures of be clean are awesome. PD. I apologize for my English, Im spanish speaker.