Huge trigger!

Just so that everyone knows- i cut myself again last night. I really don't know if anybody on here is reading this.

I am so sorry I didn't respond.

I was hoping one of the ladies would.
I have not burned or cut in over a year and a half, although I have scratched a little.

I don't go to Bodies Under Siege much any more but I am on Scar Tissue with this same screen name if you want to vent or just be heard. There are some kind people over there.

God loves you Hazel, even when you can't feel him carrying you.

Take Gentle Care.

~ Ed ~

Thank you for your words.What's done has been done.

Hey girl sorry I didn't see this message until today. I did read the one you sent me through myspace...but again not until today. I am so sorry that you are feeling like this.

You mentioned in the other one that all Christains have pushed you away and made you the way you are. Why do you think this?? You are loved greatly girl. I am praying for you.

I am so sorry that you felt the need to cut to feel better, to let all that pain out. My heart grieves for you at the moment. I know what it is like to be in that place, where all you wnat to do is cut, praying for the strength to go a little deeper, to sit and watch yourself bleed. I know what it feels like....and I am so sorry that you are going through that right now, I am so sorry that you feel you are alone.

I pray you will know how much God loves you...He is the one who filled that void...that deep dark hole that seemed to widen everytime I turned around. He is the one who said "Carrie Ilove you, come to me, do not look to the world or man, because they will let you down, BUT I Carrie will not. I loved you so much that if you were the only person in the world I still would have sent my Son to die FOR YOU" I believe Hazel that He is wanting to speak these same words to you, put your name where my name is. I pray you hear them, believe them and receive them.

You are loved Hazel, YOU were made for GREAT things....do not listen to the lies of the enemy you seeks to kill and destroy. Your life is so precious that God's Son died for you. He wants to bring healing into your life. He promises to never leave you nor forsake you. He promises a life of abundance...NOW that does not mean an easier care free life, but one with Him in it, His peace,His hope, His joy, Love,laughter,strength. I pray that godly christain women will come along side you to mentor you, to befriend you. I pray a wonderful God loving, God fearing church for you were you can go and know you are wanted and loved. BECAUSE you are. YOU are. Hang in there Hazel, I am praying for you and so are others. YOU are a wonderful work of art, God created you and He will do something great through you.

take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team

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JESUS IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS ME TOGETHER

I just wanted to sympathize with you and tell you you are totally not alone. It has been a a while since I have cut or physically harmed myself but I remember those anxious out of control times that have come to surface that have overwhelmed me to act out in that way. I learned now through therapy that it comes from hyper arousal in the brain from previous traumatic events. It is a totally normal reaction from environment. Proven brain changes can occur when an event happens and it is a cause and effect reaction to self destructive ways including cutting. There are several different ways of reversing the effects of trauma depending on the way you want to heal. Psychotherapy has been the best tool for me, and having a good circle of friends that I can call if I ever feel unwell. I really hope you feel better soon.

I want to apologize for my disturning behavior. However, it is a good thing that i am venting (no matter how disturbing it sounds). I just want to let everyone know, im ok. Thank you for your words and for your love.

Hazel~

vent as much as you want=) We are here for you and praying for you.

take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team

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JESUS IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS ME TOGETHER

I am feeling very sad right now... i don't know why. All i know is that i feel and it's empty and sad. However, im not cutting. I'm only drinking, though.

How are you doing, Hazel? We're here for you.

GodzPrincess
Pink Cross Forum Admin

I'm ok, i suppose. How are you?

Hi Hazel. I do not know how long ago it was when you posted this thread, and how you have been doing since then, as I just joined here. What I can say though is that I hope you are finding friends outside of here that can be there with you in person when you need it and pray for you. I know that disstrust can numb us from reaching out when we need it most. It does not matter who we are, we all fail because we all have our own strengths and weeknesses, that for whatever reason in trying to to our best, we are often innadaquete. God needs to be trusted fully first and formost. We are all in the same boat of varrying circumstances. You just have to take God one day at a time. As we do that more and more, it becames second nature for us. God is good. We can trust him!

One thing that keeps me going is found at the end of 1Corrinthians ch. 13. For the time being, we see through a glass dimly, but one day, faith and hope will no longer be needed because we shall see Christ face to face, and know him, even as he knows us... This is important for me because reading through the book of Revelations and hearing all theese so called bible prophessy experts speak, I used to be terrified out of my mind. But, Christ is comming for us one day because he loves us very much. For the time being, we are to show his love to people around us, that they too can hear our storries and come to know him also. Please stay in touchwith your contacts here, and at home!

Allen

Thank you for your words, allen. I'm ok.

If there is a licenced christian counsellor, or pastor, or somone you can meet with regularilly, I would encourage you to stay in touch with them. Anything wich may be harmful for you that I may have posted anywhere, I hope you can let God blow away the chaff and hold onto the wheat:) I would like to hear some thoughts about my Forrest Gump thread I started yesterday. I would like to see how far that one goes, as i am sure it speaks boldly to the storries of a lot of people here.

In Christ
Allen

My situation is a bit more complicated. I'm not around people either but that's a different story there. Anyhoo, thank you for the prayers.

Hey girl....r u okay??? Did you want me to call you?? I can call you Monday afternoon if you'd like.

Stay focused on God....stay strong. With HIM all things are possible. With HIM you have the strength that you need to get through ANYTHING. I will be praying for you (((HUGS)))

take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team

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JESUS IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS ME TOGETHER

Eh, im fine. No need for you to call or worry about me. Hope you have a nice weekend. Talk to you soon. *hugs back*

Hi Hazel, I wanted to let you know, I'll be praying for you. I used to be a cuter and burn myself. There was a point in my adult life were I was 51/50 and I have had many friends who cut as well. I'm so grateful to the Lord for setting me free, and for years now. I have walked through alot of mental stuff, and still have a couple areas that I'm tested by.

I want you to know I'm here for you and would love to encourage you and strengthen you, what I have I give to share so that you might be refreshed. I understand alot of the anxiety and manic areas of thought and how it all works, I was diagnoses bipolar manic and at one point schizophrenic and sycotic, its a generational curse, Im being totally delivered from, the bi polar remains, but is getting notably better.

I do know that triggers are capable of being disarmed and restrained from becoming a point of harm. It is a process and you have alot of people who desire to stand with you, lift you up and believe for Gods heart and promises to be released over your life. You have so much to offer so many and this world needs you. We need you, happy, whole and empowered to be His voice of freedom to those who are were you are at right now.

Hugs!

Mrs. Eden

I used to cut. In fact ironically enough the last time I cut was while I was in ministry school! Only happened once. Was listening to Evanessence & the open door was all it took (music is powerful! I'm sure you'd agree).
Everyone has already said so many wonderful things. I just wanted to let you know someone else is praying for you.

"Neither do I condemn you." John 8:11

Hey there lara;

I just want to let you know, i cut for many different reasons. None have to do with music related. I suppose you have your own reason's to cut. Perhaps one day i will tell you about those reasons. Thanks for all of your prayers.

I would cut out of frustration and out of release & sometimes out of self-punishment of sorts. Some people smoke a joint, some get drunk, some go lay with somebody, others, they cut.

"Neither do I condemn you." John 8:11

I agree.

Hey girl how are you feeling since we talked last week? I am praying for you.

take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team

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JESUS IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS ME TOGETHER

I am not sure how to feel. Im kinda lost in thought right now :/

Want you to know I'm thinking about you and praying for you. You're welcomed to PM me if you want to talk or vent.

GodzPrincess
Pink Cross Forum Admin

Feeling a lil numb...

Hey girl I am praying for you and so are many others. Did you want me to give you a call?? If so when is good for you/ (((HUGS)))

take care
peace,hugs,prayers
boldness and blessings
Carrie
Moderator
Pink Cross Team

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JESUS IS THE GLUE THAT HOLDS ME TOGETHER

Hi there. I'm new here and am kinda getting my bearings, so please bear with me. I just saw your post recently and it has been on my mind ever since. How are you doing? I know where you're coming from. I have B.P.D. (Borderline Personality Disorder), minimal to moderate P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Adult A.D.D. In of my youth and formative years, both sides of my family were directly and indirectly very abusive to me; with the exception of my Mom and maternal Grandmother. The brunt of it came from my Dad, who himself has moderate to severe P.T.S.D. from his youth and experiences in the military. It was literally a miracle I didn't go to school with bruises, but as I've gotten older, I've learned not all bruises are physical. Ever since my parents divorce when I was 3 years old, there are two things I've longed for and searched for: genuine unconditional love and a place to belong. My search for these have led me into situations I thought would bring me what I needed for so long, but only ended up deepening the need and furthering the continual sense of loneliness and isolation. Funny thing about the kind of experiences I've had, a person equates opening up and being vulnerable with a sign of weakness and a breech of personal safety & security.
Back in the Summer of 2006, met a wonderful, precious young woman named Wendy; whose beautiful heart and spirit are part of the work of healing God is bringing to my life. Her prescence in my life is truly a work of God. Through her I am learning and finally knowing what love, real love actually feel like. Even with her in my life, many times I would still feel alone and in isolation. As I am learning part of it stems from needing a place to fit in and belong to.
Last Friday, the Holy Spirit showed me something I will never forget. My whole life I've felt like there is no one who could really relate to what I've been through. And because of this I wouldn't let myself get close to anyone for fear of them heading for the hills or breaking my heart like so many times before. After that weeks episode of Smallville, a show God is using profoundly in my life, it occured to that out of the billions of people on this planet, there HAS to be someone out there who can relate to me and knows what I've gone through. I just hadn't met them yet. Then step by step over the last week God has been showing me that by not opening up and let myself be vulnerable, I am pushing away the chance to let healing, real healing take place in my life. Holding it in wasn't working for me before, how in the world would I expect that it would?
So I made myself a promise to open up, really open up and let myself become vulnerable. Not soon after I found this website. And for the first time in myself, I began to feel real glimpses of hope in my life.
Thank you for sharing. It has already begun making a difference in my life.

Hi there. I'm new here and am kinda getting my bearings, so please bear with me. I tried posting this last night but the system gave me a very strange programming error. So I will try it again.
I just saw your post recently and it has been on my mind ever since. How are you doing? I know where you're coming from. I have B.P.D. (Borderline Personality Disorder), minimal to moderate P.T.S.D. (Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder) and Adult A.D.D. In of my youth and formative years, both sides of my family were directly and indirectly very abusive to me; with the exception of my Mom and maternal Grandmother. The brunt of it came from my Dad, who himself has moderate to severe P.T.S.D. from his youth and experiences in the military. It was literally a miracle I didn't go to school with bruises, but as I've gotten older, I've learned not all bruises are physical. Ever since my parents divorce when I was 3 years old, there are two things I've longed for and searched for: genuine unconditional love and a place to belong. My search for these have led me into situations I thought would bring me what I needed for so long, but only ended up deepening the need and furthering the continual sense of loneliness and isolation. Funny thing about the kind of experiences I've had, a person equates opening up and being vulnerable with a sign of weakness and a breech of personal safety & security.
Back in the Summer of 2006, met a wonderful, precious young woman named Wendy; whose beautiful heart and spirit are part of the work of healing God is bringing to my life. Her prescence in my life is truly a work of God. Through her I am learning and finally knowing what love, real love actually feel like. Even with her in my life, many times I would still feel alone and in isolation. As I am learning part of it stems from needing a place to fit in and belong to.
Last Friday, the Holy Spirit showed me something I will never forget. My whole life I've felt like there is no one who could really relate to what I've been through. And because of this I wouldn't let myself get close to anyone for fear of them heading for the hills or breaking my heart like so many times before. After that weeks episode of Smallville, a show God is using profoundly in my life, it occured to that out of the billions of people on this planet, there HAS to be someone out there who can relate to me and knows what I've gone through. I just hadn't met them yet. Then step by step over the last week God has been showing me that by not opening up and let myself be vulnerable, I am pushing away the chance to let healing, real healing take place in my life. Holding it in wasn't working for me before, how in the world would I expect that it would?
So I made myself a promise to open up, really open up and let myself become vulnerable. Not soon after I found this website. And for the first time in myself, I began to feel real glimpses of hope in my life.
Thank you for sharing. It has already begun making a difference in my life.