Trying to quit the industry - need your prayers
Hi, everyone, this is my first post here:) I would like to tell you my story and ask for your prayers. If it is in the wrong section, I would like to ask the mods to move it and I'm sorry:) It is very hard for me to write about this but I'll try to be honest and brave:)
I'm 26 years old and I was a sex worker for 4 years. I did porn too but mainly I was a prostitute. It had an incredible toll on my soul, on my mental health. I was falling apart, I stopped believing in God, I was bitter and I hated (still hate) myself. I now have Chlamydia, depression, generalized anxiety disorder and OCD too. All because of this! I tried to quit one year ago but the money was so tight that I had to go back...I'm deeply in debt because I didn't know what to do with the money when I had it, I spent it on stupid, useless things, which I deeply regret now. I have no formal education - after high school, no work experience, nothing.
I tried to kill myself one day, that's when I hit rock bottom. I still have the scars, I guess I will have these reminders til I die. I cried in the daytime and couldn't sleep at night, I was (and still am) a wreck. 4 days ago I was watching Youtube, when I saw Shelley's amazing Prodigal Son video. I couldn't stop crying, especially when I watched her testimony too. It was about me! I felt that this can't be a conincidence! And I knew that I will have to do something about this. I started reading this site, the forums, the blog posts and next day I deleted my ads on the internet, all of them! I had two clients booked for today too and I cancelled these.
I have NO IDEA where to go from here! I just know that I can't do that anymore, I want to be healed!
I have much debt so it's pretty serious. But I don't want to do that thing again, EVER! Yesterday I had a very serious temptation, something told me that I should do this for a little more time, only til I pay back my debts...I would make more money! I asked for God's help and as I don't have a Bible here I used a random Bible verse website. I strongly believe that God can talk to us even on the internet:) And this is the quote I got:
" Better is a little with righteousness
than great revenues with injustice."
Isn't this amazing?:)He talked to me!
So I decided to stop doing sex work forever.
But this is very hard. I am very poor at the moment, hardly enough money for anything. And my debts are piling... Please, pray to God for me! Pray to Him to take care of me now that I, the "prodigal son" decided to go back home. I will try to earn my living and pay back my debts, I will look for work opportunities. I know that it will be hard because I have no work experience, nothing (I'm a college drop-out too). I can see now how much I failed in my life. I would like to make it right, please pray for me! If it would be an interest to you, I would like to post here my advancements, it would be easier for me to stick to my decision this way.
I also would like to ask someone who is deeply religious and would like to help me out mentally, to PM me, I really need someone to talk to, I'm very lonely and isolated now that I left my "life" behind. And it's very hard too. I struggle with my depression, anxiety all day and night. I can't afford a counsellor right now and I know I won't be able to afford it soon. So maybe if I can talk to someone who also can reinforce my faith in God, it would be easier.
Thank you for reading! :)